The "Who Am I?" Moment
When I first learned about identity it involved topics like gender, race, ethnicity, religion, and class. I gained confidence knowing that this is who I am, my foundation. There was security knowing that these aspects of my identity could not be taken away from me. Unfortunately, I didn’t think much about the pieces of identity that can be taken away, until it happened. So what happens when the parts of your identity, the ones you worked hard to achieve, are taken away or changed? How do we cope with these changes effectively? I mean, it is never fun when we have a “Who Am I” moment. And let’s not even go into the powerlessness and out of control feelings.
I suppose if I want to know about other peoples’ “Who Am I?” moment, I must first spill mine, so here it goes... Because I found the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he just so happens to be in the Navy, I went from living in San Diego, a social life that started Wednesday and went thru Sunday, driving a Scion TC (I know, it’s not my dream car but, I felt cool in it!), and having a career that seemed like anything was possible. To living in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. Social life, what is that? Does that include working out in the yard and waving to neighbors? Driving a 2000 Ford Ranger pickup truck, and can’t find a job that pays over $15/hr.
Now, don’t get me wrong, great identities have come with this change. I am a wife, a stepmom, and the proud companion of Missi Lou and Diego Jean. I am happy but, the transition has not been easy. And being a military dependent, I mean spouse, this will not be my last identity switcharoo. I know there is a reason for everything. I just haven’t figured out the reason(s) behind the cruel joke of me living in Mississippi.
So here is the conflict…
The radical feminist side of me starts to holler. “This is the reason women are making $.80 to the man’s dollar, they engage in the institution of marriage and the man’s career takes priority and the next thing you know you are confined to the house, knocked up every other year, and driving to soccer games - right where society wants you. AHHHHHHH!”
And then I tell the radical bitch to shut up and let me be happy with where my life is headed, wherever that might be.
So please share. We all know that misery, I mean happiness, loves company!
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1 comment:
I have had several who am i moments in my life!! Which is part of the reason I am where I am. One reason I ended up with a masters degree was because I was not happy with the answer of Who Am I at that point in my life. I didnt know where my life was going so I decided to get a Masters in Nursing which I am glad most of the time that I did. At that time I was single my best friends all lived in other cities across the nation and felt like I was at the bottom of things so I went to school.
However while in school I married and moved to the suburbs. Now I have a child (which I love more than life itself Ryan is the best thing ever)!! My identity has changed multiple times!! Sometimes I am wanting to change identity even more. Occasionally I wish I was that women that could stay home, barefoot and pregnant driving to soccer games like society wants. I however have to work to support my family. Many women these days do have to have jobs along with their husbands in order to make enough. I do realize there are some women that work because that is there Who Am I definition. I just think that everyone has different Who Am I moments that mean different things. I think that life stays exciting by having these defining moments and by being put in situations that make you think about who you are and who you want to be. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother never did I think I would be a working mother!! Oh well I have come to terms with it and I look forward to new chances to create Who I AM as a wife and a mom. I think we can create our who am I moments by making the best of where God puts us.
You know I live in the suburbs of Houston now and most of my friends are my neighbors with kids--I know I need to get out more and really create me the working mom but that takes courage.
Carrie I know that Mississippi is not an easy place to figure out yourself but maybe the reason you are there to start with is to figure out how to be a wife. I know that is not necessarily what you want and I know that you want a real job that pays what you deserve but maybe learning to be a military wife and not a military dependent is why you are there to start your marriage. Plus you have to think change is coming and you will have several times to recreate the who are you.
I have probably rambled enough for many of you that dont know me but I have struggled with my identity several times and currently I am in a role that I love. I have a great husband, the best child and a job that pays well and is flexible so I can be a wife and a mom. If this makes no sense I am sorry but it felt good to write some of those feelings and thoughts.
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