Are you a good negotiator?

If you’re female, the answer to that question is probably No… both in terms of how you perceive yourself and in very real terms.

Consider the following, taken from a book called Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.

In surveys, 2.5 times more women than men said they feel "a great deal of apprehension" about negotiating and 20 percent of adult women say they never negotiate at all, even though they often recognize it as appropriate and necessary.

Speaking for myself, I know this to be true. I used to be one of the 20 percent.

As a result of moving every three to four years (Navy spouse), I have held eight jobs in twelve years. After every move, it usually took me around three to six months to find employment. Actually a blessing, this helped us get the house settled and gave us some time to explore our new surroundings. But as time went on, feelings of stress and a loss of self-worth eventually (and inevitably) supplanted my excitement for our new adventure. I needed a job!

Let’s go back to the experts for a moment. From Babcock and Laschever: By not negotiating a first salary, an individual stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60—and men are more than four times as likely as women to negotiate a first salary.

Oops. You see, and I am embarrassed to admit this, but until my seventh job (when I was in my early thirties!), I did not negotiate my starting salary… not ONCE.

Why? Well, by the time I found a job, I didn’t dare ask for more money than they offered… I needed and wanted that job. And when I found a job more suited to my career goals after living in the area for a time, I really wanted that job and didn’t want to jeopardize my chances at getting it. Again, no salary negotiation.

I can tell you one thought that never crossed my mind… I certainly didn’t think I failed to negotiate because I was a woman!

My a-ha moment? Sitting in graduate school in a conflict and negotiation class, our professor asked us whether we were in the practice of negotiating our salaries with our employers, in particular when accepting a new job. One man in the class made it crystal clear that not to do so put one squarely in the category of village idiot.

The professor went on to discuss the book Women Don’t Ask and to speak about the impact of gender on negotiation. He explained that employers almost always undercut what they are actually willing to pay you in their first offer, with the expectation that you will negotiate for a higher salary.

I was floored. Needless to say, I immediately bought the book. And, you know what? I now negotiate both my salary and benefits with employers. Not as gracefully as I would like, because I still feel plenty of apprehension during the process. But, I have experienced success. Finally.

You may have heard Hillary Clinton mention pay equity in a recent Democratic national debate. She noted that a woman makes $0.77 for every dollar a man earns, while women of color make $0.67.

Made me think… I have contributed to that statistic because I have naively approached salary negotiations in my career.

From Babcock and Laschever: Another study calculated that women who consistently negotiate their salary increases earn at least $1 million more during their careers than women who don't.

One million dollars more! Now, I read everything I can about successfully negotiating my salary.

Recently, I ran across a series of posts by a blogger named Jay Morrissey that cover the topic of discussing money at work. I hope you enjoy them (and learn from them) as much as I did.

• Discussing Money at Work: An Introduction
• Discussing Money at Work: Salary Negotiation in a Job Interview
• Discussing Money at Work: Negotiating a Pay Raise
• Discussing Money at Work: Payment for Overtime

Are you a good negotiator? Share your strategies in the comments.